The Dust in the Shadows
by Ascot no miko
Summary: Sometimes, remembering your childhood is a fun thing to do. Other times, it destroys you... a Chiriko past ficcie.


ShadowsPro

A/N: A warning, straight out: **THIS FIC INVOLVES SEXUAL INTENTIONS (limey stuffs) YAOI (shounen ai), and INCEST IMPLICATIONS!** It is NOT a silly fic, and it deals with mature issues. **_THIS IS YOUR WARNING_**. Also, if you like the idea of Chiriko's older brother (I've seen a few ficcies where he's potrayed in a good light), well... you can stop liking him now. ^^ Or else you're going to hate me.  
Again... don't read if you're not up to the maturity level needed. Enjoy.  
  
  
  
**  
Prologue  
**_Ou Doukun  
  
  
  
The house was quiet.  
  
He knew that it was quiet, and he realized that he appeared to be the only one awake. So, maybe, maybe it would be a good night. Maybe. He didn't know, but if he was lucky... but soon he was going to fall asleep, and then he wouldn't know until it occurred.  
  
He lay in his bed, straight out on his back. His eyes were closed, but that was only because they began to itch if he had them open. He knew that he should sleep, but no, no, he couldn't. He had to see if this was going to be a good night this time. He hated it when he was woken up by it...  
  
A creak sounded upstairs...  
  
He froze in his bed, not daring to breath. Was it...?  
  
...and the tap, tap, tap of slow-moving footsteps could be heard.  
  
Slowly, he let his form relax. Not because he wasn't scared, no. But because he now knew that indeed, tonight was going to be a bad night. Besides, he had a few mere moments of relaxation... after all, maybe if he could feign sleep....  
  
But no... he winced as he found himself tensing again. It seemed to be impossible for him to pretend anything, and sleep was one of them. Somehow, he could never pass as being asleep, but then again, he supposed it didn't matter. Sleep wouldn't stop anything.  
  
Tap... tap...  
  
The footsteps came closer, and they stopped outside his door. Since this had happened before, he was ready for the wave of fear that coursed throughout his chest. He was familiar with this fear, for it came too often. Way too often...  
  
The door handle turned, and it emitted a light noise as it was pushed open.  
  
One would think that he would become used to this fear, but he never had. After all, he was young, maybe that was why he couldn't. But he knew that it was fear that made his body tense up, and he hated it.  
  
The footsteps came closer, and his bed tilted downwards a bit as a form sat on it. It was silent for a minute, but he knew that it would come. It always did, and there was no use in doing anything.  
  
I know you're awake.  
  
That came from the form on the bed, and he knew that he'd have to listen if this form told him to wake up. He knew...  
  
A sudden touch on his shoulder was felt, and he couldn't help but tense. As he did, he heard a slight giggling coming from the figure on his bed. Cruel, malicious laughter... laughter that he seemed to hear too often.  
  
Open your eyes, Doukun.  
  
And Doukun realized that yes, he had to open his eyes. Years of instruction had   
made him seemingly incapable of disobeying his elders.  
  
He did. He opened them, and he didn't dare look at the figure on the side of his bed. Instead, he looked at the moonlight streaming through the window, because it was pretty. A seemingly cold blue-white color... but Doukun knew that he couldn't stay like that. This was going to be a bad night, he knew...  
  
Look at me.  
  
The fierce instruction from his mother about obeying his elders told him to do so, and he looked over at the form. The figure was tall and strong, with hair a bit darker than his own. The hair was shorter, too, and cut in a cropped way that Doukun felt was ugly. But then again, he thought everything on this figure was ugly, because fear was suppose to be ugly. And this figure caused him fear...  
  
Doukun, otoutochan, why the long face? the voice mocked, but Doukun stayed silent. Usually, silence was taken as submissiveness, and he was prepared to be submissive for awhile, until the figure left.  
  
The hand on his shoulder lifted off, and Doukun felt it landing on the side of his face. Two fingers ran gently down his cheek, making him shudder in fear, and Doukun could feel the figure from his bed moving closer. Then the fingers stopped moving, but the hand was still there...  
  
  
  
Doukun looked up at the figure, whose brown-green eyes stared back.  
  
Tell me who I am, Doukun.  
  
Doukun lay silent. Usually, if he didn't speak, it was easier for him. The figure usually left earlier... but he realized that the figure was waiting for an answer.  
  
Come on, otoutochan, say my name.  
  
Nearly silent, Doukun answered.   
  
...Ou Takeru. The tightening in his chest increased, but Doukun realized that he couldn't do much about it.  
  
The figure smiled, and came closer to Doukun. Doukun could feel the hot breath of the figure on his cheek, and again, fear raged his body. The figure on his bed smiled.  
  
And what am I, itoutochan? the figure asked.  
  
Doukun had been through this before, so he knew what the figure meant. But he never liked answering...   
  
What am I, Doukun?  
  
My oniisan.  
  
The figure smiled, and he moved his face close, so close that Doukun could feel the tips of their noses touching. Doukun knew that his eyes were wide in fear, but he supposed that it was okay. This person before him caused fear, after all, so Doukun figured that his fright wasn't minded.  
  
Good boy, Doukun. the figure said.  
  
Then the figure, Takeru, laid a soft kiss on Doukun's lips. Of course, there was really nothing that Doukun could do about it... he had realized that when he was younger. Laying there and taking it was the best plan that he could come up with.  
  
You're so good, Doukun. Takeru continued, kissing his cheek during a pause. I'm glad that you're my otoutochan, because you're so quiet. Quiet and sweet. What a good boy. The kisses continued, and still, Doukun lay there...  
  
Taking it... Doukun was the one who allowed this to happen. So he realized that it his fault. This fear was all his fault, and Takeru was simply the bringer of it.  
  
The soft kisses went from his face to his neck, and Doukun could feel a hand touching his chest. His chest wasn't bare, no, he had bedtime garments on, but still Doukun was afraid. Takeru was rubbing his chest slowly, softly, and Doukun was afraid. Fear...  
  
Otoutochan, yokatta. Takeru murmured, and the older boy moved up to be able to look Doukun in the eyes. Yokatta. You are so kawaii, Doukun. Cute and sweet, like an otoutochan should be. Quiet and polite, cute and sweet... kawaii.  
  
Takeru smiled, and he kissed Doukun hard on the lips. So hard that it was difficult to breath, because it had been so quick and it was so forceful. Doukun felt Takeru's hand come back up to his face, and couldn't help but shudder slightly as the fingers gripped his cheek. Those fingers were moving up and down his cheek, and they were colder than he was. Cold...  
  
Takeru stopped the kiss, but before Doukun could catch his breath, another kiss came. And after that, another. Another, another, another, until Doukun himself lost count. There was nothing he could do about it, he had realized a while ago, so Doukun took it. No fighting, nothing, as Takeru continued to kiss and touch him.   
  
The kissing stopped, and two hands came up to cup his face. Takeru's face appeared before him, and brown-green eyes stared into green ones.  
  
You're such a good boy, otoutochan. A good, sweet boy... Takeru said, and the older boy laid another soft kiss on Doukun's lips. A good boy...  
  
With that, Takeru gave Doukun one last, gentle kiss, and he stood up to leave.  
  
It was then that Doukun refound the little that he had of courage, but there was not much that he could do about it. Takeru had left, and he was simply there, shaking and staring at the ceiling above his head. Doukun felt dirty, because Takeru's hands had touched him. Why should he feel dirty, though? It had happened so many times before...  
  
Tears came to his eyes. He hated it. Being so young, so powerless to stop his oniisan from doing what he did. But he couldn't do anything, right? Nothing, nothing at all... his oniisan was in control... Takeru was in control... the fear was real. The moonlight shone a cold blue as he thought this...  
  
...and Ou Doukun sobbed..._  
  
  
  
Gasping for breath, he sat up in bed. Another bed, a different house. A safe place, supposedly... safe from robbers, safe from enemies, safe from Takeru... safe.  
  
Was he safe? Was he safe now, or was he fooling himself?  
  
But no, no, he told himself. No, he wasn't safe, but he was different now. He wasn't the little scared boy that he was before. Because Takeru wasn't here. He wasn't here to touch him anymore, to make him feel afraid. Like in the dream... the horrible, disturbing dream that was more a memory. The dream that made his insides turn around, twisting and aching with fear, with terror...  
  
Ou Doukun would have cried after such a dream. But he wasn't Doukun anymore.  
  
He was Chiriko.  
  
And Chiriko simply laid back down again, and curled up in his bed.  
  
Still, he was unable to stop the shaking... but he fell asleep again, hoping that the dreams, the horrible, unbearable memories, would cease.  
  
Because he never, ever wanted to be Ou Doukun again...  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N: Please tell me: Do you want more? Or does Chiriko seem too OOC and different? Seriously, I need to know, because I'm not sure about how this one is coming. ^^


End file.
